So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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