You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
