Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
