My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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