Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
