I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
