just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
