Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
