Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
