I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
