Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
