Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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