how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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