No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
