Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
