this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
