I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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