Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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