Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
