I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hippo gnu deer
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
