all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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