Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
