Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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