I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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