Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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