I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
