went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
