Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
