My girlfriend figured out who you are.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
