I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
