I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
