I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
