What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
