Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
