I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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