I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
