Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
