You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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