final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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