party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
