I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
