his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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