tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
