M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
