I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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