Already got asked if we're dating
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
