Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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