And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
