dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
