i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
